City of the Mind

City of the Mind

Over the past six months I’ve been tied down in a losing battle with depression. But a Giantess doesn’t simply give up when she’s tied up – I’ve broken free and my inner fire has returned over the last several weeks. I’d like to share with you the reality I haven’t talked about – which now feels more like a nightmare – and how it shaped everything in my life at the time and how it shapes the future. Warning, this is a long one.

In May 2012 I began feeling a little overwhelmed with life and work. I didn’t know why I felt this way. I had no reason to feel this way. I knew I had a burning love and passion for everything in life! My emotions were slowly being replaced by… emptiness. I forcefully pushed myself onward, but I found myself struggling to function more and more as each day, week, and month passed.

I held onto the hope that these feelings would pass, but they only worsened and I tried my best to keep it from reflecting onto my work. By the time summer hit I was miserable- It was hard to get out of bed, I lost my appetite, I no longer had an interest in any hobbies (reading, games, movies, cooking). Everything in my life suffered.

Despite my best efforts, by the end of August it was deeply affecting my site; I had writer’s block which slowed my production of scripts, blogs, emails, I struggled to find time to act and film, it was painful to edit, and my goals escaped me. I began relying on diminishing windows of passion to survive as I couldn’t get in front of a camera or act a fantasy unless it was my true self.

I had no clue what was going on. I had never experienced a void of love! Two unique sides of me battled it out like two giantesses fighting over a city; one being the passion-driven workaholic you’ve always seen, and the opposite telling me I long since reached a breaking point. Looking back now, it was clear I was on a true adventure in depression. (Please read if you haven’t already! :3)

Around this time it just so happened a friend had contacted me asking for work. Perhaps, I thought, if I hired someone to help take the day to day load off of my shoulders I could pull myself back together! I hired her to clean and do simple tasks so that I could focus my energy into my site and healing myself.

By hearing her work in the house it gave me the drive to get my own work done. Additionally she expressed interest in getting involved with my business which I found irresistibly exciting! Suddenly I saw the potential of her reducing my workload further and being another Giantess I could play with!

However I soon learned that my friend needed an escape from her boyfriend. Naturally I wanted to help! With everything she accomplished for me so far, moving in seemed like a reasonable and logical solution to both of our problems. In an instant she was moved in and we were living together to help each other.

Sadly… things quickly destabilized and impacted me far greater than I could have ever imagined. My friend was also suffering from severe depression, but instead from her past relationship and life. She quickly became incapable of working and lost her drive to function. And with losing the stability I got from her coming over and actually working, I soon found myself reverting back into my previous state of depression but even worse with having a dependent. Her seeing my depression obviously didn’t help her either!

Starting at the end of September, we mirrored each others’ depression, making the situation exponentially worse. I began to fear losing everything I had put all of my passion in for the previous 6.5 years – my site and independence – which mean everything to me and who I am.

By mid October I knew my only chance was to get us the help we both needed to survive by seeing a doctor. Additionally, a week later my friend’s younger sister – who she was the legal guardian of and had nowhere else to go – moved in with us. Regardless of the financial stress and time lost by trying to support two other people, we held onto the small strand of hope that we were going to get through it together.

Finally, thanks to a wonderful doctor – and a giantess in her own right – the relief I needed finally came! The underlying cause of my severe depression was from overworking to the extreme- and my new home life was compounding it. I don’t think I could have made it any more easy or obvious to my doctor!

This may sound silly, but I simply had never actually believed I was overworking- especially when I started struggling to get work done due to depression. I always felt I was lagging behind and that I needed to push myself more and more to catch up. This line of thinking essentially ensnared me in a cycle of self abuse! D:

I was working on average 12 hours every day, 7 days a week; 80-90 hours a week in total. The only days I ever took off were the days I felt physically sick from keeping this schedule up; these days naturally never felt like real days off. And as I didn’t want to take any time away from reaching my goals, I gave up all my hobbies… so of course my hobbies would no longer give me any real pleasure. Any perceived slacking, or failure to reach goals (no matter how unrealistic), or general life tasks such as going to the gym, only made me work that much harder to meet the demands I had set for myself.

By the time my depression took hold, I was so completely burned out that working itself became mentally taxing and I couldn’t be anywhere near productive anyway. I’d have to focus on simpler and simpler tasks in order to get anything done at all. This only made me push myself HARDER and the law of diminishing returns kept bitch-slapping me. If I had just worked a normal schedule like everyone else, I would have been able to get the same amount of work done anyway.

On the Giantess doctor’s advice, I stopped everything I was doing. I reevaluated my goals, my plans, my schedule. I looked at all areas of my work I could improve in efficiency and balance out with a healthy life. No aspect of my life was left untouched and I meticulously evaluated myself and crafted a new schedule, planning for both work days and days off.

I began with several days off and stuck to my schedule with a new fervor toward life. Slowly, week by week, I felt my passions, my emotions, and love for everything returning! Sadly… there was still one final thing holding me back from making a full stress-free recovery – my home life.

My friend and I tried for one more week – last week – to make it work. But as much as we wanted to help each other, and maybe even live life and work together, by the time this week ended it became clear we needed separate paths in life to take if we were both to truly heal and survive.

And so just a day ago, after many hugs, my friend and her sister moved out and we went our separate ways to confront our different challenges in life. It was an incredible experience and I feel a thousand-fold stronger having lived it.

What you saw on my Twitter – of having a blog ready to post and then not – was because up until a day ago my life, my future, and my goals were intertwined with her one day and then not intertwined with her the next. This was especially hard on both of us because in a way, we still wanted our paths to be one. But we already knew deep inside that it would not work and I couldn’t write to you of a false ending; so I held out on that ending until it actually happened.

And that brings us to today, the future, and a new chapter of my life.

Aside from the sadness I feel for parting ways with my friend, my depression has finally lifted and I feel my passions burning more intensely than ever before. While I realize I’m still recovering, I’m now fully aware of what I need to do to avoid slipping back into depression and I’m determined to never reach that point again. For the first time in what seems like a year I feel fully like myself again which is the greatest feeling in the world! =D

And I could not have done it without you. Thank you all for your patience, love, and support and especially over the last several months while I was going through my worst. I hope you will continue following and enjoying my work. Your love of my fantasies, my site, and my passions provides the fuel of my inner most fires. Not a day goes by I don’t think about my little bugs. =)

Part two of this blog – coming very soon – will be a personal analysis of my new FX work goals. One of the things I learned about myself was what I actually wanted (and didn’t want!) out of my FX work. It will also include a preview of my next FX video (free!) that I’m now just finishing up.

Love you all and thanks for reading. Keep your eyes to the skies once again! >=D <3

(Post image belongs to Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half)

GIANTESS GODDESS KATELYN BROOKS

The Shrunken Perspective

41 Responses and Counting...

  1. Tyler Swanson

    :o I’m glad you’re doing better! My depression lasted over 5 years, this is the first year living without it. If you ever need someone to vent to or anything, you can always turn here anytime, no matter what. Keep on shining beautiful :)

  2. Moose

    All I can say is thank you for your commitment that inevitably led you down that path.. it brings me nothing but sadness to hear of someone struggling with themself like this. I’m glad you sought help. Cheers and the best to you on finding your happiness in everything again.

  3. Bill Thumb

    To Ms. Katelyn Brooks,
    I’m very happy that you’re doing much better. I was very concerned about you, so I’m glad things are improving :-) I will admit that I’ve dealt with my fair share of real depression. All the way through school I had it, made it difficult to make friends & get decent grades :-p I’d say junior high school was when I had the most problems. But when I was in high school, I had peer counseling which helped me a lot. When I was in college, I had a sort-of psychiatrist, but that didn’t help me much. And I had some of the same problems even now sometimes. It’s still difficult to talk & interact with people, especially woman I like, & it’s probably because of my severe ADD. I admit I’ve gotten better at dealing with these issues, but I think I’m in the same boat as you. So stay strong & beautiful, I’ll be thinking of you & I’m very excited about all of your future videos!
    Sincerely, Bill Thumb

  4. Anonymoose

    Sounds like you spread yourself too thin, which can happen even to the biggest of giantesses. I hope that perhaps you’ve realized you’re doing too many little things to please your fans. Multitasking is kind of a myth, it just forces you to lose focus i.e. driving and talking on a cell phone = car crash. I would recommend consolidating your efforts into making movies & comics. But you’ve got a big ‘ol giantess brain, so I’m sure you’ve got it figured out now. I wish you luck, you are after all, the best at what you do.

  5. Matt

    Having battled depression for years, myself, it’s hard to see anything clearly through that lens. Any sort of work or relationship suffers. It really is different for everyone, I guess. In my own case I had to remove myself to a large degree from the life I had and start over. It wasn’t comfortable, but it worked. Staying active was key. Your mind is a wonderful tool, but not the best place to take up residence long-term.

    Keep the big stuff in mind but the small things you can handle right away front and center. You seem the ambitious sort; temper that with perhaps some simplicity and be young. You are. In any event, depression is an ugly thing. I wish you the best of luck and one more piece of unsolicited advice…be VERY careful with medication. I’ve seen many depressions made far worse with it. Pay close attention to how they make you feel and keep your doctor informed. But again, good luck. This is just a minor bump in the road!

  6. Greg

    I know exactly how you feel. I have been there as well. I too often work long hours so I will at least be so busy I never think long enough if I am happy or not. Best to take breaks and enjoy what life has to offer. Glad to hear you are doing better. You are a very beautiful and extremely talented woman. A towering Giantess!!! So have some fun and stomp out the gloom!!!

  7. Sixinchestall

    Oh Katelyn, I knew there was something wrong. Reading this made me want to give you the biggest hug. I know it is easy when you are your own boss to get drawn into working longer and longer hours and the work/personal life divide becomes blurred; especially if you are passionate about what you do. You have to make that divide much more marked and stop at a set time, not I will just do another 30 mins here which actually ends up being an hour and a half ok. It soon adds up and ends up with an exhausted sad Katelyn. Take it slow now you are starting to feel better and you will soon be back to your old self. Remember most people work 8 hours a day, 40 hours per week and have two full days free. I am not trying to patronise you just comparing that to your 90 hour weeks you were doing the equivalent of two full time jobs and more. I love your site and your work but none of it works without you. I am so glad to hear you are on the mend now and thank you for sharing with us.

  8. DeReith

    Sometimes life does just need a step back and a good hard look at yourself in the mirror to see how you have grown, what is , what was, what will be. A collection of thoughts and feelings. Im very happy to hear you have come through this and i can imagine you’ll be a much happier (in both mental and physical states) than you were previously.

    A very well done, thats a life achievement not many gain nor learn!

    Warm Regards

    Reith

  9. Bobbob

    Katelyn,

    I’m really sorry to hear about your battle with depression, but am joyful you’ve regained your ability to be happy in life. Your sites show how much you overwork… I’ve always wondered how you managed to get so much done with so little help – other websites of similar quality have entire teams of people keeping everything running, and still have trouble keeping up with any problems that might pop up, as well as keeping things fresh.

    There aren’t many women who open their hearts and minds like so, especially in the fetish community. Know that we love you, and will always be here for you – even if you go to Australia and take a deep breath of summer sunshine for a few weeks every now and then.

    Love, Bobbob
    PS – I may have to email you about my leisure class studies. ;-)

  10. Maxx Calin

    Having faced depression myself when I was younger. I know how it feels to feel depressed. I spent many times depressed over a number of things when I was younger from relationships to personal stuff that went on in my life. Sometimes we all just need some time to step back and take a good hard look at the way our lives are going and contemplate things. As well as take a break when we feel overworked. It sounds like you have had a rough couple of months Katelyn thou I’m glad to read that you had a change for the better recently and that it has made you a stronger woman in the process. I love both you and your site, you make Giantess videos that appeal to everyone and that’s one of the things I love about it. A blog like this must not have being easy for you to post but thank you all the same for having the courage to post it. It actually makes me respect you even more as a person having read it and seeing that a very beautiful woman such as yourself can relate to how it feels to feel depressed like I once was.

    I myself have had a case of writer’s block lately, I’ve being working on a Giantess Katelyn story to submit as tribute to you. The beautiful goddess that I worship but I’ve gotten stuck on various parts of it. I hope to have it done eventually thou and I hope that when you read it. That you’ll not only enjoy it but that it might find it’s way on the Giantess story page of your site for that would make me feel so honoured.

    Hope you have a great day Katelyn and I look forward to watching your upcoming videos. May you find reasons to smile and things to make you happy always.

    Love
    Maxx Calin : )

  11. Sean

    Katelyn,

    I’m so sorry to hear about your struggle with depression. I was in the throes of depression (and home sickness) a few years ago as a undergrad. I had been a studious and productive person for so long that it felt like I was sacrificing my experience of the world around me, just for the sake of my own personal success. I desperately needed love at that point but I had no clue how to approach the opposite sex as I would typically panic and become paralyzed with anxiety around women I was attracted to (I attribute some of this to being a late bloomer. At that point, it felt like nothing I did mattered and I stopped eating and sleeping. The only comfort I found was in escaping into a fantasy world where the women I was attracted to really did tower miles and miles above me (as it felt in real life) and every tiny movement of their body did have a large impact on me as I dreamt about the Herculean struggle required to just climb the gigantic big toe of someone absentmindedly repositioning her foot in her open-toed shoe and crushing me unaware as her focus was elsewhere. Compounding the issue was my fear of failure, where I felt like any change I made to attempt to rectify the situation would lead to me failing out of school. In my fantasy world, the failure of being crushed by a women’s divine sole was exciting and welcomed. I want to thank you for all the work that you have done on this site. You really helped me through a tough time (as I found this site during my time of depression) and paying attention to just the little beautiful attributes of your feet (the crevices, curves, texture, position, nooks and dainty teasing and provocative movements) allowed me to distract myself from the dark and hopeless state I was in. I hope that this message lifts your spirits and you continue to be happy. I know I still haven’t found my true love but I know she is out there somewhere. In a way, I think I did find love. I found a woman with a giant heart willing to share her fantasies with the world. Love ya, Katelyn.

    Sincerely,

    Sean

  12. Corsair

    I’ve been there also, not for the same reasons as you but I understand how down someone can feel under depression. Most people will experience it at least once in their life. One thing it has thought me is to avoid going to the same places that led me there, which is a valuable lesson. It’s been 10 years now and I never felt depression again (and hope to never feel it again, don’t want to visit these dark places again). In your case, the cause clearly seemed to be a burn-out, but no matter what the cause is, the important thing is that just like me you’ve learned from your mistakes and took measures in order to protect yourself. I wish you all the best.

    Take care of yourself.

    Corsair

  13. Chuck

    Well, that was quite a tale to tell…

    Depression is one of the worst things I fear. I mean, in my family it is no stranger, specially from my mother’s side. And I’ve been under a lot of strain at work and sometimes I felt like I was going down and visibly frustrated, but always managed to come up with something to, let’s say it, save the day. Although… yes, it has never been the same situation as yours.

    Twelve hours a day, 7 days a week. Half of your life was work, work and more work. I don’t know if that borders obsession, but you truly wanted to be dedicated to yourself and all the people that you felt you owed so much. All that pressure being quite criminal…

    I’m glad to hear you have finally overcome it, even though it means you had to part ways with a friend for full recovery.

    Just be careful with your life, try to take in account how things go, take some rest, and work at a pace you feel comfortable with while not overworking. I know it’s easier said than done, but this is the way it has been working for me for years, specially due to my family’s background.

    Reading this made me concerned about you. Really concerned. Not so many people on-line that I’ve never met in person has reached this level of concern. You are on of those that did. So I honestly wish you good luck with the rest of your life and work.

  14. Tim

    Thanks for the blog Katelyn, I think I identify a bit with your feelings and might take the advice of your therapist to heart. I’m trying to make a new career for myself based on making websites and other internet work as I’ve had it with arrogant, stupid bosses. Even though the internet allows you to connect with huge numbers of people I think there is something isolating about it. There is also something isolating (for me) about relying on unreal fantasies to get off. Thanks for lessening my own sense of isolation and best wishes for you.

  15. JT

    Shit, I know dem feels.

    Just keep it up and go day by day. Been there and done that and done a lot of stupid stuff in between it all and all I can say is that in the end when you’ve gone the long distance you realize that it was worth it.

    It’s different for everyone but for most it is worth it in the end.

  16. Zen

    I am so glad that you found your path again on this journey we call life! I have been in your shoes and still, in some since, waging the same battle. I want you to know that your site give me an oasis from the daily bullshit and the hope that I might meet someone that enjoys this fantasy as much as I do. I wish you the best and I hope that we get to meet one day so that I might have an opportunity to meet a true Goddess.

  17. Matt

    I’ve been in the dreadful haze of depression myself more than once, so on some tiny level I might know how you feel. It is never easy to get out of, and I am glad you’re managing to slip it’s clutches. You have all my best wishes for now, into the future. I’m not sure what else I can say, that hasn’t already been said here.

    Best Wishes,
    Matt

  18. Mike

    York misses you.

  19. Bob

    Deep stuff… I’ve been following your site from the time I first discovered that I wasnt the only person in the world with the giantess vore fetish, and I have noticed the workaholic in you. Its quite astonishing to see how much it has evolved in such a short ammount of time. I’m simply amazed at how much one person is capable of acomplishing, between the comics, breaking the language barrier, the FX, the filming, the editing, the programing, finding models to hire, taking on the booru, legal issues, and just living life… You seem super human in more ways than one. But, everyone has a breaking point. Too much of a good thing can become a bad thing, and it sucks to become sick of something you love. At some point you just have to simmer down or you get burned out. I dont typically have a very strong voice in the community, but I will say, I adore and enjoy everything you have done for all of us who share this great fetish, and would like to take this time to say thank you… And hey, for what its worth, I wish you luck in making a full recovery and completely regaining your passion for what you do.

  20. Sheela

    I direct messaged this to you on Twitter, but I wanted to make sure you saw it so I’m gonna put it here too.

    supersheela-art(dot)tumblr(dot)com/image/35618236643

    I really hope you feel better. I’ve vented to you several times in the past when I was upset or stressed. I want to let you know that if you ever need it, I’ll always be there to talk.

  21. Waffle

    This is my first time posting here but certainly not my first time visiting. I’ll keep it brief and say that your site and projects, all of which have greatly expanded the giantess community, such as collaborations with artists like Vivian and Pogojo, the giantessbooru image index, multitudinous high quality videos and galleries spanning every aspect of the giantess fetish, and your own personal blog have all been an indispensable to me, and I’m sure, countless others. I am proud to call myself a fan and a satisfied customer of yours and I look forward to your future works and wish you the best in life.

  22. Clover

    Where would the world be without Outback Steakhouse?

    (recalling a conversation you had with Gary where he was comparing you to Outback and himself to McDonald’s, I think it was one of your first blog posts)

    You are a beautiful, intelligent, and passionate woman. Also the hottest giantess on Earth! I would give anything turn into ant size to explore your gorgeous body only to inevitably be devoured by your perfect lips or drown inside of your wet vagina.

    Glad to hear you are doing better and eager to see what wonderful sexy fantasies you will create and bring to life next!

  23. Anon

    Glad to hear you are better. Seems like it would be hard to be depressed when so many people are worried about you online, along with your friends in Seattle.

    I would be concerned that, coming from a sunny place to a place that is synonymous with rain, cold, and dreary conditions, depression was inevitable. Maybe not, but spending a lot of time indoors can also cause depression.

    Anyhow, seems you’ve beat it. Good luck on your goals and be sure to get as much sun as you can this fall/winter season, and be sure to attend as many holiday parties as you can find.

  24. MarkM

    Katelyn,

    I’m incredibly sorry to learn of your battle with depression. I honestly had no clue and hence I feel a little badly for being a bit of a pest at times. (more than a bit probably) I’ve always felt your a super strong person having accomplished so much in your life early on that I have no doubts you’ll solve this aliment and pull through it just fine. You have the drive and will to do so.

    I’ve written you a little of how my life changed dramatically after I received a head injury in a car accident approx 10 years ago. The nerve attaching the Pituitary gland to the Hypothalamus took some damage. My neurologist doubles as a psychiatrist (has both degrees) and diagnosed me with depression too. I never told you because I refuse to recognize depression as a disease. It’s a result of something else and it’s the something else that needs to be tackled not the depression itself. What I mean is, find and address/treat the cause not the result. Depression is a result of something. In your case it sounds like over working. Mine a brain chemistry change caused by hypothalamus dis-regulation. I have to take Thyroid and Adrenal hormones as well as Testosterone but I have refrained from taking any of their anti-depressants. I’m very sensitive to most medicines and they all had to many side effects for me which is probably a good thing.

    Depression is bad and believe it or not there have been LOTS of times I’ve really wanted to or felt like throwing in the towel and giving up. Ending things. I wouldn’t but I’m just saying it can be bad enough that it makes you think about it.

    The only reason I wanted to mention the above is because I wanted to let you know that what you have given me via your friendship and Giantess fantasies that have helped my depression more than I can say. Probably more than anything else I can think of. When I spend a few hours on Giantessbooru I literately feel like a new person almost. Honestly it really does help my depression like nothing else. Seems to melt stress away too.

    I wish somehow I could return the favor for you. Feel free to let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do for you okay Katelyn. Or if there is anything I’m doing that you would like me to do differently as well. Just anything. I owe you and will always feel that you have given me so much more than I have given you in return.

    With Love,
    Mark

  25. The-New-Dal...

    I was diagnosed with manic depression 10 years ago (Bipolar type 2) which in laymen terms means one minute I feel like I’m on top of the world. The next for no reason what so ever I feel like an absolute piece of worthless sh*t and just want to end it all, which I tried to do back in 2005 (couldn’t even get that right). The anti-depressants didn’t work (in fact they made me feel worse) and I’ve never been good with counselling as I don’t like talking about it, especially not face to face.

    In my own way I’ve managed by taking each day as it comes. Obviously some days are better than others but as MarkM said one thing that has helped keep my mind focused was moderating on Giantessbooru. The problem with me though is that sometimes, mainly during a depressive period but not always, even things that I enjoy doing become a chore and make me feel worse. Anything like a tv show/film, book or game that I had previously enjoyed watching, reading and playing I’ll end up hating. This happened recently while moderating on Giantessbooru.

    Every time I went on to the site it would just make me feel more depressed even though in a normal state of mind it had given me pleasure. Anything from an approved picture I wasn’t keen on to someone’s comment and even a comment about my moderating would p*ss me off even more, so the only thing I could do was to stop moderating and give the site a wide berth. That was a month or so back, I had a quick look in at the weekend and all I could do was moan about some of the approved images.

    All I can do is wait until I come out the other side, which at this time of year can be a while as I lost a few people close to me during Christmas periods of the past. Sorry there’s no words of advice here as I certainly don’t have them I just wanted to vent a bit.

  26. J

    I normally don’t post comments, but after reading this and experiencing this type of depression first hand I wanted to share my thoughts. I too am a workaholic…I go to work, spend a lot of time there, and also bring it home with me. I work holidays, weekends, and pretty much whenever. My life is my work and as a result of my drive I excel at what I do. Down side to all of this is that I experience burnouts. Much like a jet aircraft, the fire in my engine dies and my plane goes into a tailspin. It sucks royally. My life literally stops while I sit and wallow in self-loathing and pity. When a burnout occurs I hate everything…and I literally mean everything. The only way I get through those times is by remembering 2 important things. First, life exists in the details…meaning that if I don’t stop to see life in motion then I will miss the important little things that make life worth living. In the case of today, the leaves changing colors and how it affects the landscape around me and turns one type of natural beauty into another. The second thing is my favorite motivational quote…”perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim.” Take time to look it up…it will be worth it. Keep hanging in there and remember, even a submarine has to come up for air once in a while.

  27. MarkM

    Dalek,

    I wanted to respond to what you mentioned about the antidepressants. They tried me on all the big three (Zoloft, Paxil & Prozac) and I had nothing but horrible side effects from all of them. I consider myself lucky because after tons and tons of research (seriously I would bet there are few who have put in as many hours of research into this as I have) these drugs in the end do more harm than good. They don’t get to the root of the problem and only relieve symptoms which for a lot of people is only temporary anyway.

    Both Paxil and Prozac are fluorinated which is proven in scientific studies to damage the endocrine system permanently. Fluoride accumulates in every single gland in the body and begins disrupting endocrine functions throughout the body. Scientific study after scientific study after scientific study prove that fluoride is highly toxic. There is no arguing that it is several times more toxic than lead and just a under the toxicity level of arsenic.

    The Germans used fluoride in world war II to dumb down the prisoners. It made them docile and unable to resist. Dumb down the brain. The fluoride they use in our drinking water is mostly a toxic by product that comes from China’s aluminum industry. No one should be ingesting toxic fluoride and putting it in water supplies is banned in many countries outside of the US because they KNOW how bad it is.

    I know that’s starting to get off topic but I felt needed said because both Paxil and Prozac are more likely to KEEP someone depressed rather than cure them. Zoloft isn’t as bad but I’ve read fricking tons of horror stories with Zoloft as well.

    There just big money makers for the pharmaceutical industries who are proven to lie and fudge their studies and then wine and dine doctors to brain wash the doctors about how great their drugs are. A person is 6000 more times likely to be killed by their doctor via a pharmaceutical product than they are in a violent crime. Harm caused by illegal drugs is but a mere speck by comparison to harm caused by pharmaceuticals.

    The American Dental Association (behind the fluoride push) has done more harm to the health of Americans than any other organization. In addition to pushing fluoride (and there is no evidence the fluoride has to be ingested to benefit the teeth anyway) they have packed peoples mouths with toxic mercury fillings for decades. Their yearly X-ray exams aim radiation directly at the Thyroid gland and have destroyed many peoples thyroid function. Root canals cause breeding cavities for bacteria that breed because the immune system cannot get to them to kill them.

    Okay sorry Katelyn but I wanted you to hear that. Obviously I’m not against all drugs but I’m a fan of natural cures when possible or going after the root/cause of the problem rather than treating symptoms. Many drugs do more harm than good and the big three I’ve listed here are among them.

    Depression is a result and can be caused by so many things. In addition to over working and stress many toxins in our environment can cause it. Low Thyroid can cause bad symptoms of depression and millions of people on anti-depressants are really low thyroid because the fricking doctors are idiots only checking TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) which doesn’t really tell squat about thyroid function if one (such as me) has a Pituitary malfunction. True Thyroid function can’t be gauged without checking T3 & T4 which they almost NEVER do.

    Okay I’m starting to rant cuz health issues and the way they are miss handled by the medical establishment are a thing with me. Seriously most doctors are brain washed. I can go into an average practitioners office and talk circles around them they end up confused not knowing what to do with me. I’m going to be in trouble when my one good real doctor decides to retire because of Obama care leaving behind all the idiots who are brain washed by the pharmaceutical industry. A good doctor who TRULY knows what they are doing is VERY hard to find.

    Mark

  28. MarkM

    Hey Dalek I would like to respond to something else you mentioned about Giantessbooru,

    You mentioned being frustrated the other day seeing a lot of poor work being approved. I agree with you. If you peek again you’ll see that I cleaned up some of it.

    Let me tell you it’s been really tough for me because I’ve been accused of being both to critical by some users as well as to lenient letting poor work through sometimes. It’s subjective, difficult and a bit stressful because of that.

    I want to accommodation users as best I can while at the same time keeping quality up at Giantessbooru. I don’t want crappy work showing up either.

    That last set of 7of9 uploads had fricking TONS of poser stuff and I had been rejecting them by the hundreds. I began to wonder if I was being overly critical which was why I let a couple of sets through to gauge by the users if they were liked or not. Well gauging by the fav.s they received they weren’t very well liked and I deleted them.

    Thus I’m being extra critical on posers right now. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong but Poser sets that are worthy are really few and far between.

    Also as I’m gaining more experience I too get frustrated seeing some of the poor things accepted by other newer moderators. I’ve even been catching some untagged ones recently. Yeah it gets frustrating. There is a learning curve though and let me tell you it’s kind of hard. No one really showed me how to do anything I just had to jump in and learn the ropes on my own. I thought Katelyn was going to end up firing me because I bugged her with so many dang questions. I still do actually. It took a while but I feel I’m finally getting there.

    It’s always going to be subjective though and being a Mod really is work and harder than it looks like. It’s also rewarding though and as I mentioned in my prior post it brings me enjoyment.

    As I’ve mentioned to Katelyn I think things will be TONS better once we can have communications with one another when 2.0 comes out.

    Sorry Katelyn that this post was off blog topic.

    Thanks!
    Mark

  29. limpdik

    Hey kitty-kate! We’ve all been there, including myself. You and your site has been one of those very few – lift me ups – in my life, personally. I know I can be a doushebag from time to time, but you are sombody important to me and I’m always there if you need to talk.

    Work can be very stressful and we americans work more than the rest of the world becuase we want to have it all. If there is one fact about your job that can cheer you up, just remember that you are one of the few in this world who is living their dream – I wish I was living mine.

  30. footphan

    Thank you for sharing how you feel! I know writing can be tough but getting it all out is really good! I know what that depression feels like, I’ve felt it in different times in my life, most recently when I returned from Afghanistan, it took me nearly a year to feel like myself again, it was unreal. Believe it or not YOU helped me during that time, and I thank you for that. The good news is that things do get better if you want them to, which it seems you’re learning and experiencing. I’m really happy you’re getting back on your feet, thank you for what you do! :)

  31. little moch...

    I too have battled depression. Sought help after having a highly visible breakdown while giving a presentation to a few hundred people. Katelyn, it’s so good to see you getting on top of it. Sending love and support… LMB

  32. Matt

    Hi Katelyn:
    I am in a field that requires me to be knowledgeable about depression and its treatment. I also suffer from depression, but anxiety is my real demon. For whatever it’s worth, physiologically, depression is a perfectly natural and normal occurrence. In fact, it would be abnormal not to experience depression. It gives one existential pause to re-set (or re-examine) the GPS (Global Positioning Satellite) of one’s heart and soul. It’s good that you got some help to navigate your way through this. Now you’ll have an idea what to do when it happens again. Yes, it will happen again. My only suggestion is be “worthy of your suffering.” When you can, use it as an impetus (as you did this time) to move you forward on your life’s path. And lastly, a person considerably wiser than myself gave me this muse: enjoy life when you can, and endure it when you must. Cheers.

  33. Alex

    Hi Katelyn,

    Sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through, best of luck with a speedy recovery. Take the time you need for yourself.

  34. Greg Viera

    awwwe sorry to hear about your depression :(
    but im glad you are doing a lot better. no matter what you do or where u are at. you will always have a support system here

  35. shutdownfox

    Hi Katelyn
    So glad you are coming out of this. You may find it plagues you again, but take heart that in knowing what it is, what it feels like and that you -can- beat it means that you -will- beat it.
    Remember to always look after yourself, and that you have people around you who will always help, even if that’s just to talk.
    Take care!

  36. Rooster

    Love you, Katelyn!
    So sorry to hear you were having a bad time. But awesome that you took control and dealt with it, and now you’re better than ever! Remember what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You’re one tough giantess, we believe in you!

  37. gtsquisit

    This seems to be a problem in the gts community in general. Ech, these funks suck. They suck the life energy out of you and leave you feeling like a dried up husk. People tell me to join a gym or pursue hobby I enjoy. Basically, keep moving and distract your depression. Yeah… I know easier said than done. But its the truth. I think newton? said it best. An object in motion stays in motion unless some oposing force gets involved.

  38. Giantess Ka...

    Thanks so much for your comments, I enjoyed reading every single one. Reading through your personal stories and suggestions was an unexpected bonding experience and I think it will ultimately help me kick my depression for good. I can’t tell you enough how much your comments mean to me.

    The past few days I’ve really stopped to take in what everyone wrote. I spent most of my time cleaning and getting my life and house back on track. I’m feeling even better, more productive, and more relaxed with every new day!

    From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your love and support! =)

    Xox, Giantess Katelyn

  39. Mansini

    Yeah, you never wanna work harder than you have to. Overworking yourself can really be a killer. One of my best friends is a workaholic. I tell him constantly to relax and chill, make some time for himself to get away. He’s often reluctant, but knows whats up. Yeah we’ve all got obligations, but never, ever, let ’em get in the way of you and your health, Katelyn =) U gotta stay on them big sexy feet of yers ;)

    Best of wishes,
    ~TheBigMansini

  40. Maxx Calin

    You’re welcome for the comment as well as the love and support Katelyn.

  41. Matt

    “I would often fantasize that maybe someday I could be one of those stoic badasses whose emotions are mostly comprised of rock music and not being afraid of things.”

    In my case, that delusion is self-fulfilling. I actually am the size and stature of that kind of stereotype. I intimidate people with my size, and I lack social graces, so people see a big weird guy. This fortress of me is also a prison.

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